So, you REALLY want a testimony?

Testimonies are great. Seeing how God provides and is faithful is one of my favorite things.

But what about the process it takes to get them?

So many people, myself included, want testimonies. We want to say "LOOK WHAT GOD DID! HOLY CRAP THIS IS AMAZING!" and then share it with the rest of the world. But I'm finding out that the test to get the mony can be hard, frustrating, consist of times where you just might want to shake yourself (literally shake yourself wildly about) free from all the pressure around you that is trying to get you to quit and give up. God will even take His fire in the process and burn everything out of you in order to make you in His likeness and for His glory because He loves a heart that is willing to go through the flames to get the reward that Jesus died for.

Do you still want a testimony? Do you want the things that God says we have since we are His children? Do you want to go through the hard times that people don't tell you about when they give the glorious testimony of Jesus? If it gets hard and you can't see, will you give up? Do you REALLY want the testimony to share?

I'm learning that testimonies can be hard, but not all of them are and not all of them take a long time either, but mine is. Not hard to accomplish because God is the one accomplishing them. But hard for your flesh to choose to stand when all you want to do is lie down. Will I stand when I want to lie down? Will I continue to sew my prayers and my efforts into my dreams even if I don't see one stinkin thing?

Will I give my life for my dreams? Now mind you, that our dreams aren't just for ourself and that every choice we make is affecting the people around us. Our family, friends, co-workers ect. Good or bad, they affect other people. But will I hold fast to my dream? Will I give my life for it?

So, do you REALLY want to fight for your testimony?

With a gulp in my throat and knowing nothing of what lies ahead or how it will happen, I say yes. I say "God, do whatever you must do." I have my dreams, here they are. They are yours, help me go after them and help me stand in the process.

Dancing for Justice

I have been dancing since I was in 8th grade. Hip-hop/rap sucked me right in. First, Bone Thugs N Harmony then B.I.G, Puffy and Mase. I found out that I could move my feet and life would come out of my body. In my small bedroom where my queen size waterbed took up most of my room, I had to make due with the space that I had infront of my full sized mirror. There I found part of my personality and who I am. Its so easy. Dancing has become more like my 1st nature than 2nd nature. Its in my blood and flows to every part of my body. I let go and everything negative in my life flees.

Until I am infront of people in worship.

It is a task sometimes to let go infront of a group of people during worship. I can dance circles around people all day everyday if its just for dancing sake. In a battle I'm fine. I am also comfortable dancing around in random places. I used to dance at Vincenzos and finally got caught by Dennis (ha). When the resturant was empty on friday and sat nights around 10:30 and I was closing I would go in there and dance like no one was on the other side of the wall, or that people couldn't see me through our huge windows looking out onto the street. It feels like I can't do this during worship. At Bethel ... NOTHING is weird. So I thought I wouldn't have to deal with this anymore because I could be free. But no, it was still there.

Until Julie.

We went on retreat this week. We also had a dance party on tuesday night. Everyone jumping around, dancing, laughing hysterically because the joy of Jesus was heavy in the room (I mean people literally falling over and out of their chairs laughing hysterically). It was aweome. I havent laughed so much and so hard in the last 2 years as I did on retreat. Then I saw Julie. She is a 1st year student at Bethel and she is confined to a wheelchair but it hasn't always been that way. As everyone was laughing (including Julie) and dancing. I stopped and weeped. I weeped because right now she is not able to express her joy by dancing or even moving her arms and really, I dont even know if she would want to. The burden became great. So, I weeped and prayed that Jesus would call her out of her wheelchair so that she could dance with us. To walk, to do things she hasnt been able to do in I dont know how long. To jump around like every single one of us was doing.

When I was praying (I think I was actually begging) for Jesus to free her physical body all I could think about was dancing. The phrase "dance for justice" repeated over in my head for what seemed like 30 times. So in a prophetic act for the justice of Julie's body to be free, I danced. I danced and jumped around as hard as I could until my calves were completely burning. Jesus said, "dance for justice." In 2Samuel 6, David dances before the Lord with all his might.

So now, as a prophetic act, I dance for the justice of those who can't. I will dance with all I've got to give. Knowing in my heart I'm making a statement to the enemy that says, you will not win, Jesus is the victor, I dance for their justice.