My Worship Will Never Stop

In the past 2 months I have changed into a completely different person. Again and again. I'm not even the same person I was a week ago. So different I'm having to get to know myself again.

I have done this, I think to this extent, a few times since June 2, 2005. I can because I'm a new creation and I receive from a Man who is endless. Thus, I can become a completely different person with just another encounter with this man named Jesus.

I have learned and experienced what it's like to worship the King of glory with all abandonment. I've gone to the throne of grace with no adgena but to tell him how wonderful he is and to extravgently give myself to the praise of who he is.

In the past 2 months I have felt great pain; have had many tears caught in my Father's hand; felt the wonderful joy of the Lord; been with the poorest of the poor; held a child's hand who died 2 days later; rejoiced during the rehersal of the Adoria Fashion Show; have been more vulnerable than I have ever been before; confronted, challenged and persued by love; had a wonderful dream come true; been shown great mercy by God who is continually pouring out his goodness in my life and many many many more things that involve being ravished by his love.

Again, I don't even know who I am right now because I'm so lost in him. Every breath is worship. I'm breathing in heaven and exhaling it wonders. I'm amongst the most amazing worshipers I have ever been around as a group. Our pastors in school don't even know how to transition from worship to class time because they don't even want to have to stop us from worshipping the King. I am bold enough to say (ha, i dont even think it's all that bold because I know it would happen) that I think that someone who isn't saved would get saved just by coming into our worship sessions. When we worship him, he comes down and dwells among us. His presence is the thickest thing I have ever felt in my life. It's weighty. It's holy. It's .... amazing. How could we ever live without it? Every time I go deeper into him i think, "How have I been living without this??!!"

And the most wonderful thing is .... I get to give this to the world.

ramblings of life, glory and giving it away.

Life is out there, waiting to be taken by any brave soul that will capture it. Wanting to be grasped and transformed by the ideas you posess. Have you been told? And if not, why? Or have you, and you just deny it with a false humility that is running ramped through the body of Christ? The false humility that says we are nothing. That's not humility at all. It's acutally denying the greatness of God. We are created in His image. Each of us an expression of His unending character and glory. Each of us to subdue the earth and bring heaven here. His door is always open as He waits in anticipation of us opening ours. We are, whether you believe it or not, great. We are glorious. We are wonderful. And the earth is waiting for us to be revealed. The earth is crying out for us to be who we are. Loving Jesus. Posessing Him in all our our uniqueness and glory.

We each posess a glory. The radiant sons and daughters have a glory that is incomparable to anything in this world and it would be quite foolish to even attempt to do so. Christ in YOU the hope of glory. Christ in each and every one of us created differently expressing God through our own character and attributes. What if that fact alone was so deep in the hearts of the sons and daughters of Eden? How would our outlook on life be? What would we accomplish? If we knew we really couldn't fail, how would this shift our thinking?

But another question rises. How would we give this to others? Instead of displaying signs that fill the hearts of men with pain and even more hurt and rejection through our own religious judgements, what if we displayed the signs that made people wonder? The signs of love that make those who don't know grace or mercy hunger for it. That we, the ones who have received grace and mercy may give it to them. To rejoice with those who rejoice when our own world is crumbling around us. To mourn with those who mourn when our own world is filled with joy and prosperity. To be in and carry the presence of the Lord through worship so heavily that all we have to do is say to the lame man, "get up and walk. you are healed." To take time out of our own busy schedule and adgenda for "our ministry" and "our calling" to pour into those who are wondering in bewilderment needing someone to tell them they have been found and to run after what is in their heart because God put it there.

What would happen if we decided it in our very own hearts to invest in others. To invest our own hearts and selves into those, with the hope that they will do greater things than we have because we have added our own lives to theirs. Our celining is their floor. They begin where we left off. They won't have to start from scratch because they freely got what we had as an inheritance to them.

What would this do to our land? How much healing, restoration, and redemption would take place among a people like this? Those who understand that life is for those who will grasp and take hold of it, who unashamedably know who they are, and who give it away like a billionare could pass out $1 bills.

"For the earth will be filled with the knowledge of the glory of the LORD, as the waters cover the sea." I'm bringing this into present day. I think as we know the glory we have as well as the glory of the Lord the earth will be filled with this knowledge as well. We are carriers of the Spirit of the God of the universe. Life is waiting for us to take hold of it as we realize we carry a glory that transforms those and situations around us. How will we walk?

Just some of my thoughts on life, glory, and giving it away.

An Ode to .... "Oh My Gosh"

Hannah Messick, this ode is for YOU! --- apologies for it taking too long!

"Oh My Gosh."

you know it well. You've prob said it a time or two and heard it said even more. This 3 word expression tumbles out of the mouths of people in many different forms. Here are some:



1. there is the oh-my-gosh-this-is-so-great-i-have-to-tell-you-about-it, oh my gosh. This usually comes after something really freaking sweet happened or if you are wanting to gossip (which I don't support doing).

2. then there is the oh-MY-gosh. you know this one, when you sound something like a valley girl and then you correct yourself b/c you just realized you sound ridiculous. ha ... that one is the funniest.

3. the best one is the "ooooh.myyy.goooosh." or it could be said "oooooooh.my.gosh." you say it this way when you have been stunned in some way shape or form. like when you tell someone something they can use against you later in life ;) ;) ... remember that one time you ... :)

4. and you can't forget the "ohmygosh" when it all sounds like one word. this can come out anytime you forget something. "ohmygosh i left my purse" or "ohmygosh are you sure i turned off the stove." it preceeds the freaking out. you dont really like saying this oh my gosh when you are alone. You have no one to shake you out of it. So you sometimes call a friend.

... those are all the ones I can think of for now.

Now I will say "oh my gosh" is very different than "oh my god" so you can't replace one with the other, it just doesn't work that way.

feel free to add any other "oh my gosh" expressions as you wish. they are welcomed.

oh my gosh, i gotta go to sleep.

Time.

Time is becoming a most prized posession for me right now. It has now become the 3rd most important thing in my life behind the Trinity and family/friends. It used to not be. It's not that I never really thought about my time, it was just already all planned out for me. I had things to do and places to be at certain times so I didn't really have that much extra time just floating around to think about. But now I do. And a lot of it.

I haven't had a job in 4 months. I havent been unemployed for that long since I started working at 15 years old. Almost 10 years. I have wasted a lot of time in these past 4 months. More than I wish admitting. I haven't been sitting and doing nothing. If that were the case I would hope at least one friend of mine would kick me in my ass. But then again, I got swift kick right in the rear on friday night, from a friend and we dont even know eachother. We are all friends at Bethel, so I'll just call him my friend.

So I have been challegned. In a bigger way than I ever have been before. Because now, the response is completely up to me. Yes, I do have school which is already scheduled. But I am now coming into my own. It's weird that it didnt really happen in college for me. Things were just there and I saw them and went after it. Now, I have to make things happen. I must seek the things out that I desire to do and be a part of. They aren't just going to come to me. And at some point, they won't just come to you either, whoever you are.

I did so many things during highschool and college. I really thought I knew how to network and be a steward of things. I really think that I knew that. But, it was kind of all just there, for my taking. So now, with no ties in Redding and wanting to grow and build and add people to my life who are on the same track as I am and further along, I have to go out. I have to seek things out for myself. Thats not really easy when most of your life things have just fallen together for you. I feel like I'm starting over. Like I really dont know anything about anything at all. It's a weird place to be. I'm not really a fan of it either. [Man, I didnt even ever have to find my own job! always through someone who I knew - - not saying thats bad but when you start over in a whole new place 1/2 a country away, that makes for an interesting journey].

So here I am, feeling like I know absolutely nothing about life, or at least feeling like i know absolutely nothing about how to go about what to do with my life, or where to even start for that matter. So I have a meeting with Stephen DeSilva this week. The treasure of Bethel and teacher of my stewardship AMT. I'll begin with adding his wisdom to my life an see where this takes me. Time is precious now, so I'm going to suck everthing I can out of the place that I am at. Time ... we don't get it back. Why am I just now getting that?

So, you REALLY want a testimony?

Testimonies are great. Seeing how God provides and is faithful is one of my favorite things.

But what about the process it takes to get them?

So many people, myself included, want testimonies. We want to say "LOOK WHAT GOD DID! HOLY CRAP THIS IS AMAZING!" and then share it with the rest of the world. But I'm finding out that the test to get the mony can be hard, frustrating, consist of times where you just might want to shake yourself (literally shake yourself wildly about) free from all the pressure around you that is trying to get you to quit and give up. God will even take His fire in the process and burn everything out of you in order to make you in His likeness and for His glory because He loves a heart that is willing to go through the flames to get the reward that Jesus died for.

Do you still want a testimony? Do you want the things that God says we have since we are His children? Do you want to go through the hard times that people don't tell you about when they give the glorious testimony of Jesus? If it gets hard and you can't see, will you give up? Do you REALLY want the testimony to share?

I'm learning that testimonies can be hard, but not all of them are and not all of them take a long time either, but mine is. Not hard to accomplish because God is the one accomplishing them. But hard for your flesh to choose to stand when all you want to do is lie down. Will I stand when I want to lie down? Will I continue to sew my prayers and my efforts into my dreams even if I don't see one stinkin thing?

Will I give my life for my dreams? Now mind you, that our dreams aren't just for ourself and that every choice we make is affecting the people around us. Our family, friends, co-workers ect. Good or bad, they affect other people. But will I hold fast to my dream? Will I give my life for it?

So, do you REALLY want to fight for your testimony?

With a gulp in my throat and knowing nothing of what lies ahead or how it will happen, I say yes. I say "God, do whatever you must do." I have my dreams, here they are. They are yours, help me go after them and help me stand in the process.