I don't think this will come out like I want it to but I have to give it a try sometime. I can always fix it later ...
I'm all about experiences. Experiencing Father, Son and Holy Spirit, other people, smells, tastes, sounds, sights, touch .... the 5 senses. Everything we do every day is an experience. Now, weather or not we are engaged with experiencing every moment of every day is a different story. Sometimes it can be hard to stay engaged. It seems the easiest times to stay engaged is when we have an experience with someone or people that raises the bar above the previous standard we had before that experience. This also potentially creates connection between those people as well as understanding. All because of a different, better, higher experience than before.
I may talk a lot about big things in life but I pay real close attention to small things. Like the movement of eyebrows when people are talking, the way peoples mouths move the same exact way every time when they say certain letters or certain phrases, how someone holds their pen, if someone walks with their toes pointed straight out or if a foot is turned out as they move along in this life, facial expressions when reacting to situations, ect ect ...
I also pay attention if people remember to lock my car doors after I've asked them many times and they already know they need to lock them. I have always had to remind everyone to lock my doors even if they have been in my car 50 times. That all changed with one different experience.
It actually took me a while to get used to a person always remembering to lock my car and me not having to remind her. I remember she would get slightly annoyed that I would remind her because I had told her about my slight twitch about me having to tell people about locking my car (I don't know why it's such a deal, but it is. Only with people who know my doors aren't automatic, not people who rid in my car the first time or only have like twice. I'm talkin bout the regulars ... dont get offended guys, you didn't know). Even after I stopped reminding her I would even look at the lock to make sure. She made it a point to lock my car all the time on purpose because she knew my feelings about it so that I wouldn't have to ask her. I havent asked her for prob a year to lock my car door and I have stopped looking at the lock to make sure it was pushed in. I just know she does it. She's the only one I don't have to ask. Different experience.
This is very small in comparison to what it takes in most cases in life to change your mind about someone, something and how him/her/they/it affects you. But this little baby experience solidified my conviction about needing to have positive experiences with people to change our perspectives and the way we relate to people in our lives. If I am hurt from an experience in the past, I have to experience a positive action that will heal that wound. It would be wonderful if it would happen in one encounter but most times we have to experience it more than once.
I bet this might be a reason why God doesn't make things happen instantly for us all the time. He is interested in healing his people by us having wondrous experiences with him and then us having radically different experiences with each other that creates another world for people who don't know Jesus to want to know him. We experience him and changed, we experience each other as a result of experiencing him and people who haven't experienced tangible Jesus yet experience him though us since we have been changed though each other though him.
John 13:34,35 "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. 35 By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Monday, June 13, 2011
Life
I am horrible at blogging. Clearly, if it takes me 6 months in between blogs when I said I was ready. ha.
Here's the deal though, I'm pretty sure one person maybe two read this thing. The one person who reads it is also the only one who encourages me to write in it. She is also someone who gets to hear what is in my heart on a regular basis so my logical thinking is like this: "if she's the only one that reads this thing as well as the only one who encourages me to write in it so she can read it and she also gets to hear my heart on a regular basis, then what the heck am I writing on this thing for?" So there is my reasoning for extended lulls in my writing on this blog. Correct me anyone if you read this thing, making it more than one person who reads it. I used to blog a lot back in the day about the happenings in my life, which I'm not about doing that to the extent that I did before. I don't want just anyone to be able to get a glimpse that deep into my emotions and heart. A little sure, because we write out of who we are, so of course a glimpse in is going to happen but not like it used to. That is reserved for those who have earned trust and are mature enough to carry and protect what is in me.
Speaking of ...
To handle hearts with care is something that I want to be known for by all, not because I say it but only because I do it. I am an actions person. You can give me all the words you want but if your actions do not parallel, I question your words. I also do that with myself. I always work at making sure my words and actions align. No, I'm not perfect but I do work intentionally on it and care about it.
I think being full of care, especially as christians, of everyones hearts is a core value that all should adopt. The heart is the most important part of a person. Life comes out of it. Life. LIFE. [crap, i just got a flood of thoughts that all connect in with this ... do i go through those thoughts or not? ... we'll see]
Life. It's love, creative and creativity comes from this place, innovative, breath taking, mysterious, concious, thoughtful, intricate, broad, expandable, it doesn't end but can be quenched. This list is vastly limited because there is no way I could ever come close to describing it anyway, so there are a few discriptional words for Life for you off the top of my head. Psalm 4:23 "Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life."
In 2005 I had just started reading the bible for real. In about month 6 of reading I came across Colossians 1:16 "For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him." Then the Father (I didn't know it was him at the time but I do know now it was his voice out of the trinity that was speaking) said to me, "Katrina, that includes people's hearts. They are not yours, they are all mine, treat them as such. I look at the hearts of man and I see their actions." I instantly died. Amen.
So this encounter with Him has dictated how I approach, treat, see, look at and engage people. I haven't been perfect because I'm not perfect. He knows though. He knows he killed me. Killed me dead. So that He can live in there amongst imperfect actions but perfect and holy desire. It's the great thing about Him living in us. He makes our desires holy and loves us to change behaviors that will line up with those desires. What a journey. The journey of life. My heart and everyone else's heart are not mine or for me. They are his and for him. All the time, every second of every day of every year, for eternity. I am not my own and you are not mine. I am blessed to enjoy myself and those around me every day, paying attention to the life that flows from the hearts of the redeemed and those still to step into redemption through the Christ.
Looks like that's all for now.
Here's the deal though, I'm pretty sure one person maybe two read this thing. The one person who reads it is also the only one who encourages me to write in it. She is also someone who gets to hear what is in my heart on a regular basis so my logical thinking is like this: "if she's the only one that reads this thing as well as the only one who encourages me to write in it so she can read it and she also gets to hear my heart on a regular basis, then what the heck am I writing on this thing for?" So there is my reasoning for extended lulls in my writing on this blog. Correct me anyone if you read this thing, making it more than one person who reads it. I used to blog a lot back in the day about the happenings in my life, which I'm not about doing that to the extent that I did before. I don't want just anyone to be able to get a glimpse that deep into my emotions and heart. A little sure, because we write out of who we are, so of course a glimpse in is going to happen but not like it used to. That is reserved for those who have earned trust and are mature enough to carry and protect what is in me.
Speaking of ...
To handle hearts with care is something that I want to be known for by all, not because I say it but only because I do it. I am an actions person. You can give me all the words you want but if your actions do not parallel, I question your words. I also do that with myself. I always work at making sure my words and actions align. No, I'm not perfect but I do work intentionally on it and care about it.
I think being full of care, especially as christians, of everyones hearts is a core value that all should adopt. The heart is the most important part of a person. Life comes out of it. Life. LIFE. [crap, i just got a flood of thoughts that all connect in with this ... do i go through those thoughts or not? ... we'll see]
Life. It's love, creative and creativity comes from this place, innovative, breath taking, mysterious, concious, thoughtful, intricate, broad, expandable, it doesn't end but can be quenched. This list is vastly limited because there is no way I could ever come close to describing it anyway, so there are a few discriptional words for Life for you off the top of my head. Psalm 4:23 "Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life."
In 2005 I had just started reading the bible for real. In about month 6 of reading I came across Colossians 1:16 "For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him." Then the Father (I didn't know it was him at the time but I do know now it was his voice out of the trinity that was speaking) said to me, "Katrina, that includes people's hearts. They are not yours, they are all mine, treat them as such. I look at the hearts of man and I see their actions." I instantly died. Amen.
So this encounter with Him has dictated how I approach, treat, see, look at and engage people. I haven't been perfect because I'm not perfect. He knows though. He knows he killed me. Killed me dead. So that He can live in there amongst imperfect actions but perfect and holy desire. It's the great thing about Him living in us. He makes our desires holy and loves us to change behaviors that will line up with those desires. What a journey. The journey of life. My heart and everyone else's heart are not mine or for me. They are his and for him. All the time, every second of every day of every year, for eternity. I am not my own and you are not mine. I am blessed to enjoy myself and those around me every day, paying attention to the life that flows from the hearts of the redeemed and those still to step into redemption through the Christ.
Looks like that's all for now.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
I think I can start talking now
I think I'm finally ready to start talking. Well, maybe writing, but it's talking to me so I'll stick with talking.
Recently I had been wishing that I would have blogged once a week or every two weeks since I have been in Redding (Sept 2008). Then I thought maybe that wouldn't have been a good idea. Taking notes on my life yes, but blogging, probably not. Probably not because every day for 18 months I was changing.
18 months. That's 72 weeks and 504 days.
That is not even an exaggeration, nor a prideful annunciation. When I say I was changing I mean how I think, what I believe (about myself, others, life, Jesus, kingdom ect ... the list goes on), why I think and believe it, the freedom to think big or small as long as I was thinking. From one week to the next I had no idea who I was the week before and a lot of times even the day before. There's no way I could have even explained how I was changing to you because I couldn't even explain what was happening to me myself. It wasn't just happening to me either, it was happening to all of the amazing people I was in school with. I came out to Redding having no idea what I was doing, I just heard the drum beat per se and I knew there was more and I was supposed to be here. I was thinking that I was going to learn about Jesus and get some good teaching and call it accomplished. I was absolutely and completely wrong.
I did not just get teaching, I met Holy Spirit. I did not accomplish anything, I am the one who got accomplished. I do not only have a message, I am a message. I am transformed and still transforming ... by His power into His likeness.
When I say changed, I really mean it. Everyday I would come into our class time with my classmates, who became my family, not knowing what we were going to learn that day. We would worship Jesus with all we had before class started (that alone changed me everyday) and then get bombarded with a Kingdom that I knew I was a part of and that had to exist I just hadn't seen it walked out in real life. There were times when I was exhausted spiritually and mentally because I had never heard (just dreamt) of a life like this and it's beautiful allure and bombardment into my life took my inner world by storm and rearranged it. Actually in the summer of 2009 I'm pretty sure I only went to church 3 times because I couldn't even handle any more internal rearranging. My spirit and my mind were exhausted.
So here it goes. Now that I can look back and see what was really happening in me, around me and through me, I can now export it better than I could as it was happening.
Some of it might not make sense. A lot of it will sound crazy. But this ... this is some of what the Father has done in my life. He's more real than the air we breathe. He's not a religion or set of rules to be followed, He's a man who has captured my heart. He's greater than anything natural. His power is supernatural. His love is radically wrecking and transforming my life. Every day, because of Him I will never be the same. I've been encountered by Him and He by me. He has made me a brand new creation and I am His daughter.
My life and my transformation to wholeness is what He died for.
These will be the stories and experiences of Jesus told through my life.
I hope they rock you.
Recently I had been wishing that I would have blogged once a week or every two weeks since I have been in Redding (Sept 2008). Then I thought maybe that wouldn't have been a good idea. Taking notes on my life yes, but blogging, probably not. Probably not because every day for 18 months I was changing.
18 months. That's 72 weeks and 504 days.
That is not even an exaggeration, nor a prideful annunciation. When I say I was changing I mean how I think, what I believe (about myself, others, life, Jesus, kingdom ect ... the list goes on), why I think and believe it, the freedom to think big or small as long as I was thinking. From one week to the next I had no idea who I was the week before and a lot of times even the day before. There's no way I could have even explained how I was changing to you because I couldn't even explain what was happening to me myself. It wasn't just happening to me either, it was happening to all of the amazing people I was in school with. I came out to Redding having no idea what I was doing, I just heard the drum beat per se and I knew there was more and I was supposed to be here. I was thinking that I was going to learn about Jesus and get some good teaching and call it accomplished. I was absolutely and completely wrong.
I did not just get teaching, I met Holy Spirit. I did not accomplish anything, I am the one who got accomplished. I do not only have a message, I am a message. I am transformed and still transforming ... by His power into His likeness.
When I say changed, I really mean it. Everyday I would come into our class time with my classmates, who became my family, not knowing what we were going to learn that day. We would worship Jesus with all we had before class started (that alone changed me everyday) and then get bombarded with a Kingdom that I knew I was a part of and that had to exist I just hadn't seen it walked out in real life. There were times when I was exhausted spiritually and mentally because I had never heard (just dreamt) of a life like this and it's beautiful allure and bombardment into my life took my inner world by storm and rearranged it. Actually in the summer of 2009 I'm pretty sure I only went to church 3 times because I couldn't even handle any more internal rearranging. My spirit and my mind were exhausted.
So here it goes. Now that I can look back and see what was really happening in me, around me and through me, I can now export it better than I could as it was happening.
Some of it might not make sense. A lot of it will sound crazy. But this ... this is some of what the Father has done in my life. He's more real than the air we breathe. He's not a religion or set of rules to be followed, He's a man who has captured my heart. He's greater than anything natural. His power is supernatural. His love is radically wrecking and transforming my life. Every day, because of Him I will never be the same. I've been encountered by Him and He by me. He has made me a brand new creation and I am His daughter.
My life and my transformation to wholeness is what He died for.
These will be the stories and experiences of Jesus told through my life.
I hope they rock you.
Friday, April 30, 2010
My Worship Will Never Stop
In the past 2 months I have changed into a completely different person. Again and again. I'm not even the same person I was a week ago. So different I'm having to get to know myself again.
I have done this, I think to this extent, a few times since June 2, 2005. I can because I'm a new creation and I receive from a Man who is endless. Thus, I can become a completely different person with just another encounter with this man named Jesus.
I have learned and experienced what it's like to worship the King of glory with all abandonment. I've gone to the throne of grace with no adgena but to tell him how wonderful he is and to extravgently give myself to the praise of who he is.
In the past 2 months I have felt great pain; have had many tears caught in my Father's hand; felt the wonderful joy of the Lord; been with the poorest of the poor; held a child's hand who died 2 days later; rejoiced during the rehersal of the Adoria Fashion Show; have been more vulnerable than I have ever been before; confronted, challenged and persued by love; had a wonderful dream come true; been shown great mercy by God who is continually pouring out his goodness in my life and many many many more things that involve being ravished by his love.
Again, I don't even know who I am right now because I'm so lost in him. Every breath is worship. I'm breathing in heaven and exhaling it wonders. I'm amongst the most amazing worshipers I have ever been around as a group. Our pastors in school don't even know how to transition from worship to class time because they don't even want to have to stop us from worshipping the King. I am bold enough to say (ha, i dont even think it's all that bold because I know it would happen) that I think that someone who isn't saved would get saved just by coming into our worship sessions. When we worship him, he comes down and dwells among us. His presence is the thickest thing I have ever felt in my life. It's weighty. It's holy. It's .... amazing. How could we ever live without it? Every time I go deeper into him i think, "How have I been living without this??!!"
And the most wonderful thing is .... I get to give this to the world.
I have done this, I think to this extent, a few times since June 2, 2005. I can because I'm a new creation and I receive from a Man who is endless. Thus, I can become a completely different person with just another encounter with this man named Jesus.
I have learned and experienced what it's like to worship the King of glory with all abandonment. I've gone to the throne of grace with no adgena but to tell him how wonderful he is and to extravgently give myself to the praise of who he is.
In the past 2 months I have felt great pain; have had many tears caught in my Father's hand; felt the wonderful joy of the Lord; been with the poorest of the poor; held a child's hand who died 2 days later; rejoiced during the rehersal of the Adoria Fashion Show; have been more vulnerable than I have ever been before; confronted, challenged and persued by love; had a wonderful dream come true; been shown great mercy by God who is continually pouring out his goodness in my life and many many many more things that involve being ravished by his love.
Again, I don't even know who I am right now because I'm so lost in him. Every breath is worship. I'm breathing in heaven and exhaling it wonders. I'm amongst the most amazing worshipers I have ever been around as a group. Our pastors in school don't even know how to transition from worship to class time because they don't even want to have to stop us from worshipping the King. I am bold enough to say (ha, i dont even think it's all that bold because I know it would happen) that I think that someone who isn't saved would get saved just by coming into our worship sessions. When we worship him, he comes down and dwells among us. His presence is the thickest thing I have ever felt in my life. It's weighty. It's holy. It's .... amazing. How could we ever live without it? Every time I go deeper into him i think, "How have I been living without this??!!"
And the most wonderful thing is .... I get to give this to the world.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
ramblings of life, glory and giving it away.
Life is out there, waiting to be taken by any brave soul that will capture it. Wanting to be grasped and transformed by the ideas you posess. Have you been told? And if not, why? Or have you, and you just deny it with a false humility that is running ramped through the body of Christ? The false humility that says we are nothing. That's not humility at all. It's acutally denying the greatness of God. We are created in His image. Each of us an expression of His unending character and glory. Each of us to subdue the earth and bring heaven here. His door is always open as He waits in anticipation of us opening ours. We are, whether you believe it or not, great. We are glorious. We are wonderful. And the earth is waiting for us to be revealed. The earth is crying out for us to be who we are. Loving Jesus. Posessing Him in all our our uniqueness and glory.
We each posess a glory. The radiant sons and daughters have a glory that is incomparable to anything in this world and it would be quite foolish to even attempt to do so. Christ in YOU the hope of glory. Christ in each and every one of us created differently expressing God through our own character and attributes. What if that fact alone was so deep in the hearts of the sons and daughters of Eden? How would our outlook on life be? What would we accomplish? If we knew we really couldn't fail, how would this shift our thinking?
But another question rises. How would we give this to others? Instead of displaying signs that fill the hearts of men with pain and even more hurt and rejection through our own religious judgements, what if we displayed the signs that made people wonder? The signs of love that make those who don't know grace or mercy hunger for it. That we, the ones who have received grace and mercy may give it to them. To rejoice with those who rejoice when our own world is crumbling around us. To mourn with those who mourn when our own world is filled with joy and prosperity. To be in and carry the presence of the Lord through worship so heavily that all we have to do is say to the lame man, "get up and walk. you are healed." To take time out of our own busy schedule and adgenda for "our ministry" and "our calling" to pour into those who are wondering in bewilderment needing someone to tell them they have been found and to run after what is in their heart because God put it there.
What would happen if we decided it in our very own hearts to invest in others. To invest our own hearts and selves into those, with the hope that they will do greater things than we have because we have added our own lives to theirs. Our celining is their floor. They begin where we left off. They won't have to start from scratch because they freely got what we had as an inheritance to them.
What would this do to our land? How much healing, restoration, and redemption would take place among a people like this? Those who understand that life is for those who will grasp and take hold of it, who unashamedably know who they are, and who give it away like a billionare could pass out $1 bills.
"For the earth will be filled with the knowledge of the glory of the LORD, as the waters cover the sea." I'm bringing this into present day. I think as we know the glory we have as well as the glory of the Lord the earth will be filled with this knowledge as well. We are carriers of the Spirit of the God of the universe. Life is waiting for us to take hold of it as we realize we carry a glory that transforms those and situations around us. How will we walk?
Just some of my thoughts on life, glory, and giving it away.
We each posess a glory. The radiant sons and daughters have a glory that is incomparable to anything in this world and it would be quite foolish to even attempt to do so. Christ in YOU the hope of glory. Christ in each and every one of us created differently expressing God through our own character and attributes. What if that fact alone was so deep in the hearts of the sons and daughters of Eden? How would our outlook on life be? What would we accomplish? If we knew we really couldn't fail, how would this shift our thinking?
But another question rises. How would we give this to others? Instead of displaying signs that fill the hearts of men with pain and even more hurt and rejection through our own religious judgements, what if we displayed the signs that made people wonder? The signs of love that make those who don't know grace or mercy hunger for it. That we, the ones who have received grace and mercy may give it to them. To rejoice with those who rejoice when our own world is crumbling around us. To mourn with those who mourn when our own world is filled with joy and prosperity. To be in and carry the presence of the Lord through worship so heavily that all we have to do is say to the lame man, "get up and walk. you are healed." To take time out of our own busy schedule and adgenda for "our ministry" and "our calling" to pour into those who are wondering in bewilderment needing someone to tell them they have been found and to run after what is in their heart because God put it there.
What would happen if we decided it in our very own hearts to invest in others. To invest our own hearts and selves into those, with the hope that they will do greater things than we have because we have added our own lives to theirs. Our celining is their floor. They begin where we left off. They won't have to start from scratch because they freely got what we had as an inheritance to them.
What would this do to our land? How much healing, restoration, and redemption would take place among a people like this? Those who understand that life is for those who will grasp and take hold of it, who unashamedably know who they are, and who give it away like a billionare could pass out $1 bills.
"For the earth will be filled with the knowledge of the glory of the LORD, as the waters cover the sea." I'm bringing this into present day. I think as we know the glory we have as well as the glory of the Lord the earth will be filled with this knowledge as well. We are carriers of the Spirit of the God of the universe. Life is waiting for us to take hold of it as we realize we carry a glory that transforms those and situations around us. How will we walk?
Just some of my thoughts on life, glory, and giving it away.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
An Ode to .... "Oh My Gosh"
Hannah Messick, this ode is for YOU! --- apologies for it taking too long!
"Oh My Gosh."
you know it well. You've prob said it a time or two and heard it said even more. This 3 word expression tumbles out of the mouths of people in many different forms. Here are some:
1. there is the oh-my-gosh-this-is-so-great-i-have-to-tell-you-about-it, oh my gosh. This usually comes after something really freaking sweet happened or if you are wanting to gossip (which I don't support doing).
2. then there is the oh-MY-gosh. you know this one, when you sound something like a valley girl and then you correct yourself b/c you just realized you sound ridiculous. ha ... that one is the funniest.
3. the best one is the "ooooh.myyy.goooosh." or it could be said "oooooooh.my.gosh." you say it this way when you have been stunned in some way shape or form. like when you tell someone something they can use against you later in life ;) ;) ... remember that one time you ... :)
4. and you can't forget the "ohmygosh" when it all sounds like one word. this can come out anytime you forget something. "ohmygosh i left my purse" or "ohmygosh are you sure i turned off the stove." it preceeds the freaking out. you dont really like saying this oh my gosh when you are alone. You have no one to shake you out of it. So you sometimes call a friend.
... those are all the ones I can think of for now.
Now I will say "oh my gosh" is very different than "oh my god" so you can't replace one with the other, it just doesn't work that way.
feel free to add any other "oh my gosh" expressions as you wish. they are welcomed.
oh my gosh, i gotta go to sleep.
"Oh My Gosh."
you know it well. You've prob said it a time or two and heard it said even more. This 3 word expression tumbles out of the mouths of people in many different forms. Here are some:
1. there is the oh-my-gosh-this-is-so-great-i-have-to-tell-you-about-it, oh my gosh. This usually comes after something really freaking sweet happened or if you are wanting to gossip (which I don't support doing).
2. then there is the oh-MY-gosh. you know this one, when you sound something like a valley girl and then you correct yourself b/c you just realized you sound ridiculous. ha ... that one is the funniest.
3. the best one is the "ooooh.myyy.goooosh." or it could be said "oooooooh.my.gosh." you say it this way when you have been stunned in some way shape or form. like when you tell someone something they can use against you later in life ;) ;) ... remember that one time you ... :)
4. and you can't forget the "ohmygosh" when it all sounds like one word. this can come out anytime you forget something. "ohmygosh i left my purse" or "ohmygosh are you sure i turned off the stove." it preceeds the freaking out. you dont really like saying this oh my gosh when you are alone. You have no one to shake you out of it. So you sometimes call a friend.
... those are all the ones I can think of for now.
Now I will say "oh my gosh" is very different than "oh my god" so you can't replace one with the other, it just doesn't work that way.
feel free to add any other "oh my gosh" expressions as you wish. they are welcomed.
oh my gosh, i gotta go to sleep.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Time.
Time is becoming a most prized posession for me right now. It has now become the 3rd most important thing in my life behind the Trinity and family/friends. It used to not be. It's not that I never really thought about my time, it was just already all planned out for me. I had things to do and places to be at certain times so I didn't really have that much extra time just floating around to think about. But now I do. And a lot of it.
I haven't had a job in 4 months. I havent been unemployed for that long since I started working at 15 years old. Almost 10 years. I have wasted a lot of time in these past 4 months. More than I wish admitting. I haven't been sitting and doing nothing. If that were the case I would hope at least one friend of mine would kick me in my ass. But then again, I got swift kick right in the rear on friday night, from a friend and we dont even know eachother. We are all friends at Bethel, so I'll just call him my friend.
So I have been challegned. In a bigger way than I ever have been before. Because now, the response is completely up to me. Yes, I do have school which is already scheduled. But I am now coming into my own. It's weird that it didnt really happen in college for me. Things were just there and I saw them and went after it. Now, I have to make things happen. I must seek the things out that I desire to do and be a part of. They aren't just going to come to me. And at some point, they won't just come to you either, whoever you are.
I did so many things during highschool and college. I really thought I knew how to network and be a steward of things. I really think that I knew that. But, it was kind of all just there, for my taking. So now, with no ties in Redding and wanting to grow and build and add people to my life who are on the same track as I am and further along, I have to go out. I have to seek things out for myself. Thats not really easy when most of your life things have just fallen together for you. I feel like I'm starting over. Like I really dont know anything about anything at all. It's a weird place to be. I'm not really a fan of it either. [Man, I didnt even ever have to find my own job! always through someone who I knew - - not saying thats bad but when you start over in a whole new place 1/2 a country away, that makes for an interesting journey].
So here I am, feeling like I know absolutely nothing about life, or at least feeling like i know absolutely nothing about how to go about what to do with my life, or where to even start for that matter. So I have a meeting with Stephen DeSilva this week. The treasure of Bethel and teacher of my stewardship AMT. I'll begin with adding his wisdom to my life an see where this takes me. Time is precious now, so I'm going to suck everthing I can out of the place that I am at. Time ... we don't get it back. Why am I just now getting that?
I haven't had a job in 4 months. I havent been unemployed for that long since I started working at 15 years old. Almost 10 years. I have wasted a lot of time in these past 4 months. More than I wish admitting. I haven't been sitting and doing nothing. If that were the case I would hope at least one friend of mine would kick me in my ass. But then again, I got swift kick right in the rear on friday night, from a friend and we dont even know eachother. We are all friends at Bethel, so I'll just call him my friend.
So I have been challegned. In a bigger way than I ever have been before. Because now, the response is completely up to me. Yes, I do have school which is already scheduled. But I am now coming into my own. It's weird that it didnt really happen in college for me. Things were just there and I saw them and went after it. Now, I have to make things happen. I must seek the things out that I desire to do and be a part of. They aren't just going to come to me. And at some point, they won't just come to you either, whoever you are.
I did so many things during highschool and college. I really thought I knew how to network and be a steward of things. I really think that I knew that. But, it was kind of all just there, for my taking. So now, with no ties in Redding and wanting to grow and build and add people to my life who are on the same track as I am and further along, I have to go out. I have to seek things out for myself. Thats not really easy when most of your life things have just fallen together for you. I feel like I'm starting over. Like I really dont know anything about anything at all. It's a weird place to be. I'm not really a fan of it either. [Man, I didnt even ever have to find my own job! always through someone who I knew - - not saying thats bad but when you start over in a whole new place 1/2 a country away, that makes for an interesting journey].
So here I am, feeling like I know absolutely nothing about life, or at least feeling like i know absolutely nothing about how to go about what to do with my life, or where to even start for that matter. So I have a meeting with Stephen DeSilva this week. The treasure of Bethel and teacher of my stewardship AMT. I'll begin with adding his wisdom to my life an see where this takes me. Time is precious now, so I'm going to suck everthing I can out of the place that I am at. Time ... we don't get it back. Why am I just now getting that?
Monday, October 13, 2008
So, you REALLY want a testimony?
Testimonies are great. Seeing how God provides and is faithful is one of my favorite things.
But what about the process it takes to get them?
So many people, myself included, want testimonies. We want to say "LOOK WHAT GOD DID! HOLY CRAP THIS IS AMAZING!" and then share it with the rest of the world. But I'm finding out that the test to get the mony can be hard, frustrating, consist of times where you just might want to shake yourself (literally shake yourself wildly about) free from all the pressure around you that is trying to get you to quit and give up. God will even take His fire in the process and burn everything out of you in order to make you in His likeness and for His glory because He loves a heart that is willing to go through the flames to get the reward that Jesus died for.
Do you still want a testimony? Do you want the things that God says we have since we are His children? Do you want to go through the hard times that people don't tell you about when they give the glorious testimony of Jesus? If it gets hard and you can't see, will you give up? Do you REALLY want the testimony to share?
I'm learning that testimonies can be hard, but not all of them are and not all of them take a long time either, but mine is. Not hard to accomplish because God is the one accomplishing them. But hard for your flesh to choose to stand when all you want to do is lie down. Will I stand when I want to lie down? Will I continue to sew my prayers and my efforts into my dreams even if I don't see one stinkin thing?
Will I give my life for my dreams? Now mind you, that our dreams aren't just for ourself and that every choice we make is affecting the people around us. Our family, friends, co-workers ect. Good or bad, they affect other people. But will I hold fast to my dream? Will I give my life for it?
So, do you REALLY want to fight for your testimony?
With a gulp in my throat and knowing nothing of what lies ahead or how it will happen, I say yes. I say "God, do whatever you must do." I have my dreams, here they are. They are yours, help me go after them and help me stand in the process.
But what about the process it takes to get them?
So many people, myself included, want testimonies. We want to say "LOOK WHAT GOD DID! HOLY CRAP THIS IS AMAZING!" and then share it with the rest of the world. But I'm finding out that the test to get the mony can be hard, frustrating, consist of times where you just might want to shake yourself (literally shake yourself wildly about) free from all the pressure around you that is trying to get you to quit and give up. God will even take His fire in the process and burn everything out of you in order to make you in His likeness and for His glory because He loves a heart that is willing to go through the flames to get the reward that Jesus died for.
Do you still want a testimony? Do you want the things that God says we have since we are His children? Do you want to go through the hard times that people don't tell you about when they give the glorious testimony of Jesus? If it gets hard and you can't see, will you give up? Do you REALLY want the testimony to share?
I'm learning that testimonies can be hard, but not all of them are and not all of them take a long time either, but mine is. Not hard to accomplish because God is the one accomplishing them. But hard for your flesh to choose to stand when all you want to do is lie down. Will I stand when I want to lie down? Will I continue to sew my prayers and my efforts into my dreams even if I don't see one stinkin thing?
Will I give my life for my dreams? Now mind you, that our dreams aren't just for ourself and that every choice we make is affecting the people around us. Our family, friends, co-workers ect. Good or bad, they affect other people. But will I hold fast to my dream? Will I give my life for it?
So, do you REALLY want to fight for your testimony?
With a gulp in my throat and knowing nothing of what lies ahead or how it will happen, I say yes. I say "God, do whatever you must do." I have my dreams, here they are. They are yours, help me go after them and help me stand in the process.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Dancing for Justice
I have been dancing since I was in 8th grade. Hip-hop/rap sucked me right in. First, Bone Thugs N Harmony then B.I.G, Puffy and Mase. I found out that I could move my feet and life would come out of my body. In my small bedroom where my queen size waterbed took up most of my room, I had to make due with the space that I had infront of my full sized mirror. There I found part of my personality and who I am. Its so easy. Dancing has become more like my 1st nature than 2nd nature. Its in my blood and flows to every part of my body. I let go and everything negative in my life flees.
Until I am infront of people in worship.
It is a task sometimes to let go infront of a group of people during worship. I can dance circles around people all day everyday if its just for dancing sake. In a battle I'm fine. I am also comfortable dancing around in random places. I used to dance at Vincenzos and finally got caught by Dennis (ha). When the resturant was empty on friday and sat nights around 10:30 and I was closing I would go in there and dance like no one was on the other side of the wall, or that people couldn't see me through our huge windows looking out onto the street. It feels like I can't do this during worship. At Bethel ... NOTHING is weird. So I thought I wouldn't have to deal with this anymore because I could be free. But no, it was still there.
Until Julie.
We went on retreat this week. We also had a dance party on tuesday night. Everyone jumping around, dancing, laughing hysterically because the joy of Jesus was heavy in the room (I mean people literally falling over and out of their chairs laughing hysterically). It was aweome. I havent laughed so much and so hard in the last 2 years as I did on retreat. Then I saw Julie. She is a 1st year student at Bethel and she is confined to a wheelchair but it hasn't always been that way. As everyone was laughing (including Julie) and dancing. I stopped and weeped. I weeped because right now she is not able to express her joy by dancing or even moving her arms and really, I dont even know if she would want to. The burden became great. So, I weeped and prayed that Jesus would call her out of her wheelchair so that she could dance with us. To walk, to do things she hasnt been able to do in I dont know how long. To jump around like every single one of us was doing.
When I was praying (I think I was actually begging) for Jesus to free her physical body all I could think about was dancing. The phrase "dance for justice" repeated over in my head for what seemed like 30 times. So in a prophetic act for the justice of Julie's body to be free, I danced. I danced and jumped around as hard as I could until my calves were completely burning. Jesus said, "dance for justice." In 2Samuel 6, David dances before the Lord with all his might.
So now, as a prophetic act, I dance for the justice of those who can't. I will dance with all I've got to give. Knowing in my heart I'm making a statement to the enemy that says, you will not win, Jesus is the victor, I dance for their justice.
Until I am infront of people in worship.
It is a task sometimes to let go infront of a group of people during worship. I can dance circles around people all day everyday if its just for dancing sake. In a battle I'm fine. I am also comfortable dancing around in random places. I used to dance at Vincenzos and finally got caught by Dennis (ha). When the resturant was empty on friday and sat nights around 10:30 and I was closing I would go in there and dance like no one was on the other side of the wall, or that people couldn't see me through our huge windows looking out onto the street. It feels like I can't do this during worship. At Bethel ... NOTHING is weird. So I thought I wouldn't have to deal with this anymore because I could be free. But no, it was still there.
Until Julie.
We went on retreat this week. We also had a dance party on tuesday night. Everyone jumping around, dancing, laughing hysterically because the joy of Jesus was heavy in the room (I mean people literally falling over and out of their chairs laughing hysterically). It was aweome. I havent laughed so much and so hard in the last 2 years as I did on retreat. Then I saw Julie. She is a 1st year student at Bethel and she is confined to a wheelchair but it hasn't always been that way. As everyone was laughing (including Julie) and dancing. I stopped and weeped. I weeped because right now she is not able to express her joy by dancing or even moving her arms and really, I dont even know if she would want to. The burden became great. So, I weeped and prayed that Jesus would call her out of her wheelchair so that she could dance with us. To walk, to do things she hasnt been able to do in I dont know how long. To jump around like every single one of us was doing.
When I was praying (I think I was actually begging) for Jesus to free her physical body all I could think about was dancing. The phrase "dance for justice" repeated over in my head for what seemed like 30 times. So in a prophetic act for the justice of Julie's body to be free, I danced. I danced and jumped around as hard as I could until my calves were completely burning. Jesus said, "dance for justice." In 2Samuel 6, David dances before the Lord with all his might.
So now, as a prophetic act, I dance for the justice of those who can't. I will dance with all I've got to give. Knowing in my heart I'm making a statement to the enemy that says, you will not win, Jesus is the victor, I dance for their justice.
Monday, July 7, 2008
Getting what you really want
Some of us want certain things to be permanent. It really depends on what it is, since there are a gazillion (yeah thats the number i used) things that we want, desire, would like to see happen for our lives and others.
But what occurs inside some of us when the things they are desiring are actually starting to happen? Some of us stay and embrace what we have been waiting for. Some of us, like me, want to retreat. We can't close the deal. We are scared and afraid. And what for? More than likely (I know in my case), we are afraid of losing it. Of losing what we so desire for whatever reason. Of what is being handed to us from above to go arwy, get messed up, not work out without some sort of pain and hard work involved. We are in bondage, a salve to the fear of failing.
What if something we want and have desired is given to us, then taken away, however that may happen? That thing, whatever it is, comes crashing down right? We thought it was going to be so great, grand, and wonderful. And then in a heart beat ..... over, done, gone.
I'm not talking about seasons in life. I'm talking about embrasing the desires of your heart when they are actually given to you. Instead of running in fear of it being great, grand, and wonderful just to be let down in the end.
trust and betryal.
Thats what it comes down to. We were made to live in a trusting and secure environment.... check out the garden of eden (from where we are a far far, terribly far cry). But look what we are surrounded with. Brokeness.
AROUND US there are obscene amounts of brokeness.
but IN US .... Christ, the hope of glory. Let's get what is in, out and back in again.
But what occurs inside some of us when the things they are desiring are actually starting to happen? Some of us stay and embrace what we have been waiting for. Some of us, like me, want to retreat. We can't close the deal. We are scared and afraid. And what for? More than likely (I know in my case), we are afraid of losing it. Of losing what we so desire for whatever reason. Of what is being handed to us from above to go arwy, get messed up, not work out without some sort of pain and hard work involved. We are in bondage, a salve to the fear of failing.
What if something we want and have desired is given to us, then taken away, however that may happen? That thing, whatever it is, comes crashing down right? We thought it was going to be so great, grand, and wonderful. And then in a heart beat ..... over, done, gone.
I'm not talking about seasons in life. I'm talking about embrasing the desires of your heart when they are actually given to you. Instead of running in fear of it being great, grand, and wonderful just to be let down in the end.
trust and betryal.
Thats what it comes down to. We were made to live in a trusting and secure environment.... check out the garden of eden (from where we are a far far, terribly far cry). But look what we are surrounded with. Brokeness.
AROUND US there are obscene amounts of brokeness.
but IN US .... Christ, the hope of glory. Let's get what is in, out and back in again.
Monday, May 12, 2008
the kingdom belongs to the children
I love people, at all different ages. I like to know how old someone is exactly instead of grouping their age, not sure why, I just do. But I see that I often, maybe like most people, see age groups (seasons) instead of individual ages. I particularly love the season I am now. I have learned so much just by watching others that have gone before me. I have learned what to do and what not to do. Paying attention to every move of every mentor I have ever had, although pretty much all of them have been for a very short time. But the other day, I realized there is an age group that could quite possibly beat them all.
I love working as a server. You get to interact with people of all ages and seasons in life. From the older couple who comes in and spends an hour at dinner because they are there to have a night out together and enjoy each others company, to young adults who eat and run leaving little time for conversation. Then you have the little kids who ask for about 6 chocolate milks that you have to make for them with slight annoyance but then you give it to them and it makes it worth it.
She walked in right infront of her mother as her father opened the door for the both of them. This young Asian couple following their joyful cute daughter of about 3 or 4 years old wearing little gold thong sandals, a cute little jean skirt, a cute frilly top with her long black hair half braided into our resturant. We could not stop looking at her telling eachother how freaking cute she was. Ellen was lucky and got to serve them. But I'm learing to find the kingdom in the little children, so I meandered about the dining room cleaning off my table right next to thiers, paying attention to her how she acted and interacted with her parents.
As I was cleaning my table off she looked at me with the cutest smile I have ever seen and a giggle that instantly made me want one just like her! I raised my eye brows and opened my mouth wide as I gave her a little wave (I love doing this to kids b/c it totally opens them up to you because a fun faces are a great communication tool ... you should try it sometime and watch what happens). Anyway, she waves right back with out hesitation. So I waved right back and then she started to play peek-a-boo. Acting suprised as she removed her hands from her little eyes sent her into the cutest giggle mode I have seen in the longest. We played for about a good 3-4 minutes and then her love broke through. She started blowing kisses.
I love children. This pure, unadulterated child love shown through her like the bright sun through the clouds. She had no idea who I was, yet she played peek-a-boo with me and blew me kisses. How wonderful it is to become like a child. To love a stranger without wanting anything in return. To be dependent on a parent to even eat the spaghetti infront of you without slopping it on yourself as you stand on your highchair leaning over the table for a good bite. To laugh and laugh and laugh at a simple funny faces because you do not have an anxiety in the world that is holding your joy back. To walk out of a resturant not even knowing, because you are a small child, that you totally impacted someone just because you are being the tender age that you are.
The kingdom was wrapped up in her life, and I got a small glimpse of it. She was fully dependent on her parents, the joy she had and the laugher she shared, the trust that she knowlingly or unknowingly had as she realized I was playing around with her since I was a complete stranger, and the pure love that she freely gave to someone she had never met was a wonderful experience of His kingdom. No wonder when Jesus talks about the kingdom He talks about children .....
Matthew 18:3
And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven."
Matthew 19:14
Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."
Comparing what I saw in that little girl to what I am .... woah. I have quite the ways to go. And what happens to us as we get older? We get tainted by the world and hurt by ones who are susposed to keep us as children. But then what does Jesus do? He messes us up! and makes us like children again, as we yield to His spirit to flood every aspect of our lives. He shows us our disparity and how much we need Him and His spirit to come and clean all of that mess up, to make us like little children. Ha, its like He calls us His children and then somehow makes us grow down in age, acting like chidren again. Being 100% dependent on His spirit or sometimes it may feel like we might die with out it and when we get it, makes us completely and ridiculously joyful that quite possibly may make a lot of things funny b/c of our realization of His greatness and our smallness. Then the love indwelt by the spirit draws us to trust and follow. No wonder Jesus says in order to receive the kingdom, we must become like little children and maybe that's why I love them. His is in that. He is there. He is trying to show us how we need to be. Through little people and their cute little smiles.
I love working as a server. You get to interact with people of all ages and seasons in life. From the older couple who comes in and spends an hour at dinner because they are there to have a night out together and enjoy each others company, to young adults who eat and run leaving little time for conversation. Then you have the little kids who ask for about 6 chocolate milks that you have to make for them with slight annoyance but then you give it to them and it makes it worth it.
She walked in right infront of her mother as her father opened the door for the both of them. This young Asian couple following their joyful cute daughter of about 3 or 4 years old wearing little gold thong sandals, a cute little jean skirt, a cute frilly top with her long black hair half braided into our resturant. We could not stop looking at her telling eachother how freaking cute she was. Ellen was lucky and got to serve them. But I'm learing to find the kingdom in the little children, so I meandered about the dining room cleaning off my table right next to thiers, paying attention to her how she acted and interacted with her parents.
As I was cleaning my table off she looked at me with the cutest smile I have ever seen and a giggle that instantly made me want one just like her! I raised my eye brows and opened my mouth wide as I gave her a little wave (I love doing this to kids b/c it totally opens them up to you because a fun faces are a great communication tool ... you should try it sometime and watch what happens). Anyway, she waves right back with out hesitation. So I waved right back and then she started to play peek-a-boo. Acting suprised as she removed her hands from her little eyes sent her into the cutest giggle mode I have seen in the longest. We played for about a good 3-4 minutes and then her love broke through. She started blowing kisses.
I love children. This pure, unadulterated child love shown through her like the bright sun through the clouds. She had no idea who I was, yet she played peek-a-boo with me and blew me kisses. How wonderful it is to become like a child. To love a stranger without wanting anything in return. To be dependent on a parent to even eat the spaghetti infront of you without slopping it on yourself as you stand on your highchair leaning over the table for a good bite. To laugh and laugh and laugh at a simple funny faces because you do not have an anxiety in the world that is holding your joy back. To walk out of a resturant not even knowing, because you are a small child, that you totally impacted someone just because you are being the tender age that you are.
The kingdom was wrapped up in her life, and I got a small glimpse of it. She was fully dependent on her parents, the joy she had and the laugher she shared, the trust that she knowlingly or unknowingly had as she realized I was playing around with her since I was a complete stranger, and the pure love that she freely gave to someone she had never met was a wonderful experience of His kingdom. No wonder when Jesus talks about the kingdom He talks about children .....
Matthew 18:3
And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven."
Matthew 19:14
Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."
Comparing what I saw in that little girl to what I am .... woah. I have quite the ways to go. And what happens to us as we get older? We get tainted by the world and hurt by ones who are susposed to keep us as children. But then what does Jesus do? He messes us up! and makes us like children again, as we yield to His spirit to flood every aspect of our lives. He shows us our disparity and how much we need Him and His spirit to come and clean all of that mess up, to make us like little children. Ha, its like He calls us His children and then somehow makes us grow down in age, acting like chidren again. Being 100% dependent on His spirit or sometimes it may feel like we might die with out it and when we get it, makes us completely and ridiculously joyful that quite possibly may make a lot of things funny b/c of our realization of His greatness and our smallness. Then the love indwelt by the spirit draws us to trust and follow. No wonder Jesus says in order to receive the kingdom, we must become like little children and maybe that's why I love them. His is in that. He is there. He is trying to show us how we need to be. Through little people and their cute little smiles.
Sunday, March 9, 2008
Following Jesus, means going there.
Jesus is saying, "Let me take you there, Katrina." That's frightening when you hear that and He is addressing issues of your heart. But that is His heart. He is whole, lacking absolutely nothing. As followers of Jesus, we are to/do mirror Him with the stipulation that we are following. We can only do this by being changed from our fallen character into His character. We can only do that by following. If you have prayed any prayer that involves being used by Him, wanting to mirror Him or even having people only see Him when they look at you; He will be in relentless pursuit of making you whole. That is a heavy (for us) and pursuable prayer for the God who wants, will get, and deserves every single ounce of glory. His glory is found by me, by you, going there. Going deep to the places that scare you, possibly even terrify you and letting Him dwell there. He's saying "All that 'comfort' you find in the pain Katrina, will keep you from radiating my glory even more than you do." That, for me, is quite the heavy word from my Daddy. I mean who doesnt want to radiate more of the glory of God, after you have tasted and seen? So following Jesus, means going there. And its going to hurt and I'm going to have to sit and listen for His voice. My decisions are going to have to change. My reactions to the issues of my heart are going to have to be different and will probablly be really uncomfortable, because I am letting go of control. Letting go of my adgenda (my contolling of the situation), of how I will react to the pain that I feel on the inside because of issues of my heart.
Matthew 16:24,25 says "Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it." Yes, this was after Jesus told Satan to get behind Him because Peter (of course, oh Peter) tried to tell Jesus that essentially His adgenda was wrong and that going to the cross to die was not what a King should be doing. If I want to be a disciple and walk in the light, I must follow. WHEREVER Jesus is leading. I can't pick and choose, its not my option. His option is the only way. We must go there when He leads.
Jesus, don't allow me (and all of your followers) to run after the things that will put a band-aid on the issues of my heart for a short moment, just to fall off in a short time, leaving the wound open and not healed by you. Do whatever you must, to make my heart free and whole, showing the world that your healing is real and attainable. Take me deeper into your heart to unchain the lies that bind. Set my heart free to love you and love others more.
Matthew 16:24,25 says "Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it." Yes, this was after Jesus told Satan to get behind Him because Peter (of course, oh Peter) tried to tell Jesus that essentially His adgenda was wrong and that going to the cross to die was not what a King should be doing. If I want to be a disciple and walk in the light, I must follow. WHEREVER Jesus is leading. I can't pick and choose, its not my option. His option is the only way. We must go there when He leads.
Jesus, don't allow me (and all of your followers) to run after the things that will put a band-aid on the issues of my heart for a short moment, just to fall off in a short time, leaving the wound open and not healed by you. Do whatever you must, to make my heart free and whole, showing the world that your healing is real and attainable. Take me deeper into your heart to unchain the lies that bind. Set my heart free to love you and love others more.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Jesus' heart is soft.
I'm angry. Quite frankly I could punch my hand through something and not care how hard it would hurt. It doesn't sound righteous, but it is. Its a righteous anger. An anger that says "I refuse to live on this earth and not cry out and then see with my own eyes God give justice." It's that kind of anger. An anger that cries for justice, reaching the very heart of the holy King.
I just got done with my global health policy class for the evening. We watched a video about HIV/AIDS around the world. KC, Africa, Ukraine, Hati and India. Whole entire families have AIDS in Africa. Some parents have HIV then die and then the eldest child, in this instance a 15 year old boy with 3 sibblings turns into the caregiver. In India the pressure to give your husband a child is so high that when the mother of the husband starts pushing the wife to concieve (when both the husband and wife know that he is HIV positive but are using condoms to prevent the spread) the wife gives in to the wishes of the husbands parents and then they get pregnant. Then she gets HIV and passes it on to the baby.
It showed people in the Ukraine injecting heroin. A woman and a man. The whole young adult generation over there thinks their lives are hopeless and they don't have jobs so about 40% of them shoot up heroin. HIV/AIDS is running ramped. Then some chick in my class was all like "ewe, thats so gross." I got really mad at that that comment. Like angry. All I could think about was how could she think that way? How could she think, "ewe" when clearly there is hurt, pain, people yearing for fulfillment. Then after I got pissed. I thought what a stone cold heart she has. Then I thought, what a cold heart I have. I looked right at her and thought, I had no compassion on her. Yet, I had compassion for the people I had never met. This chick is in my major so I have talked with her a bit before in other classes. Then I was like dang, sorry Jesus, change my heart for EVERYONE. Not just the people who are in horrible living situations, but everyone. Because without Jesus, we are all in a horrible situation.
Proverbs 29:7
"The righteous care about justice for the poor, but the wicked have no such concern."
Psalm 11:7
"For the LORD is righteous, he loves justice; upright men will see his face."
Psalm 33:5
"The LORD loves righteousness and justice; the earth is full of his unfailing love."
Psalm 45:6
"Your throne, O God, will last for ever and ever; a scepter of justice will be the scepter of your kingdom."
Psalm 89:14
"Righteousness and justice are the foundation of your throne; love and faithfulness go before you."
Psalm 103:6
"The LORD works righteousness and justice for all the oppressed."
Psalm 140:12
"I know that the LORD secures justice for the poor and upholds the cause of the needy."
I just got done with my global health policy class for the evening. We watched a video about HIV/AIDS around the world. KC, Africa, Ukraine, Hati and India. Whole entire families have AIDS in Africa. Some parents have HIV then die and then the eldest child, in this instance a 15 year old boy with 3 sibblings turns into the caregiver. In India the pressure to give your husband a child is so high that when the mother of the husband starts pushing the wife to concieve (when both the husband and wife know that he is HIV positive but are using condoms to prevent the spread) the wife gives in to the wishes of the husbands parents and then they get pregnant. Then she gets HIV and passes it on to the baby.
It showed people in the Ukraine injecting heroin. A woman and a man. The whole young adult generation over there thinks their lives are hopeless and they don't have jobs so about 40% of them shoot up heroin. HIV/AIDS is running ramped. Then some chick in my class was all like "ewe, thats so gross." I got really mad at that that comment. Like angry. All I could think about was how could she think that way? How could she think, "ewe" when clearly there is hurt, pain, people yearing for fulfillment. Then after I got pissed. I thought what a stone cold heart she has. Then I thought, what a cold heart I have. I looked right at her and thought, I had no compassion on her. Yet, I had compassion for the people I had never met. This chick is in my major so I have talked with her a bit before in other classes. Then I was like dang, sorry Jesus, change my heart for EVERYONE. Not just the people who are in horrible living situations, but everyone. Because without Jesus, we are all in a horrible situation.
Proverbs 29:7
"The righteous care about justice for the poor, but the wicked have no such concern."
Psalm 11:7
"For the LORD is righteous, he loves justice; upright men will see his face."
Psalm 33:5
"The LORD loves righteousness and justice; the earth is full of his unfailing love."
Psalm 45:6
"Your throne, O God, will last for ever and ever; a scepter of justice will be the scepter of your kingdom."
Psalm 89:14
"Righteousness and justice are the foundation of your throne; love and faithfulness go before you."
Psalm 103:6
"The LORD works righteousness and justice for all the oppressed."
Psalm 140:12
"I know that the LORD secures justice for the poor and upholds the cause of the needy."
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Thow off EVERYTHING
I like to think, a lot. I also like people to think as well ... so I hope you enjoy my thoughts.
This one is for Amy Elizabeth ... because its taken waaaay too long!! ; )
I have been thinking a lot on how my mind can either seperate me from knowing Jesus or can bring me closer to knowing Him. Its quite the topic actually. I like to think I can help people jump into the depths of Jesus. Can I really? I seek Him and I find Him in crazy ways, and He shows me many things that I never knew that I could know. But am I just giving people what I think about Jesus or am I taking them straight to the word and saying this is what Jesus says about God and what He is all about. I think that I do a pretty good job of that but in our society we are individuals, being proud of our own opinions that we form and proud of our race, whatever that is, and our political views and what we are accomplishing in this world ect... ect... Be loud and proud is what I see as an underlying theme in our society. I think that it's ok that we can think whatever we want about any topic we want, because it's our free will. Although it sometimes can affect other parts of our lives, in either a postive or negative way.
After stating that, I think its a terribly wrong way to live when getting to know Jesus. As I think about the things that I already know and what I want to know, I can't help but think, am I missing Jesus b/c I want to have my own opinons and my own thoughts on things? Am I allowing myself to be conformed to the likeness of Christ if I keep persuing my own opinions on how the gov't should be run, or how the poor should be treated, or what kind of people I need to be nice to and which people I shouldn't really care about? Are my "grand ideas" getting in the way of me fully knowing Jesus? Or am I saying "Jesus, you can have it all."
Am I "throwing off EVERYTHING that hinders" as it says to in Hebrews 12:1,2? I actually read an amazing verse for maybe the first time (a small chance that it was the second time) in Joshua. It is right after the fall of Jericho and the Israelites were stealing from God, of course after he told them not to. Oh Israelites, ha. Joshua 7:10-12 says, "The Lord said to Joshua, "Stand up! What are you doing down on your face? Israel has sinned; they have violated my covenant, which I commanded them to keep. They have taken some of the devoted things; they have stolen, they have lied, they have put them with their own possessions. That is why the Isralites cannot stand against their enemies; they turn their backs and run because they have been made liable to destruction. I will not be with you anymore unless you destroy whatever among you is devoted to destruction." --- my emphesis added.
That's a pretty good word right there! What in my life is devoted to distruction? What kind of distruction am I allowing in my life? Yes, I do understand we are in the world, but that does not mean we can just take the "everyone else does it" view and run with it. God clearly states that He can't be around anything that is devoted to distruction. It is not his nature, therefore He will not abide with it. This is not taking away is omnipresence, I think this statement enhances it. God has boundaries, and He will not live near sin, it is not His nature, He cannot do it. So again, what in my life is hindering me from seeing the face of Jesus, hearing his voice and being ridiculously connected to him? Is it what I'm watching, b/c my eyes are the window to my soul. Is it what I'm listening to b/c the ears are a door to the heart. Is it the condition of my heart? Am I filled with bitterness, pride, self reliance? What is it to you? What in your life, is hindering the completion of holiness your inner most being? And why, why do we think that we can get away with just saying "oh this one time won't hurt" when clearly, it does because a man reaps what he sows, in every situation. I encourage you to throw EVERYTHING off that hinders, so that anything that causes distruction in your life will not hinder you from having a passionately deep relationship with the King of Kings.
This one is for Amy Elizabeth ... because its taken waaaay too long!! ; )
I have been thinking a lot on how my mind can either seperate me from knowing Jesus or can bring me closer to knowing Him. Its quite the topic actually. I like to think I can help people jump into the depths of Jesus. Can I really? I seek Him and I find Him in crazy ways, and He shows me many things that I never knew that I could know. But am I just giving people what I think about Jesus or am I taking them straight to the word and saying this is what Jesus says about God and what He is all about. I think that I do a pretty good job of that but in our society we are individuals, being proud of our own opinions that we form and proud of our race, whatever that is, and our political views and what we are accomplishing in this world ect... ect... Be loud and proud is what I see as an underlying theme in our society. I think that it's ok that we can think whatever we want about any topic we want, because it's our free will. Although it sometimes can affect other parts of our lives, in either a postive or negative way.
After stating that, I think its a terribly wrong way to live when getting to know Jesus. As I think about the things that I already know and what I want to know, I can't help but think, am I missing Jesus b/c I want to have my own opinons and my own thoughts on things? Am I allowing myself to be conformed to the likeness of Christ if I keep persuing my own opinions on how the gov't should be run, or how the poor should be treated, or what kind of people I need to be nice to and which people I shouldn't really care about? Are my "grand ideas" getting in the way of me fully knowing Jesus? Or am I saying "Jesus, you can have it all."
Am I "throwing off EVERYTHING that hinders" as it says to in Hebrews 12:1,2? I actually read an amazing verse for maybe the first time (a small chance that it was the second time) in Joshua. It is right after the fall of Jericho and the Israelites were stealing from God, of course after he told them not to. Oh Israelites, ha. Joshua 7:10-12 says, "The Lord said to Joshua, "Stand up! What are you doing down on your face? Israel has sinned; they have violated my covenant, which I commanded them to keep. They have taken some of the devoted things; they have stolen, they have lied, they have put them with their own possessions. That is why the Isralites cannot stand against their enemies; they turn their backs and run because they have been made liable to destruction. I will not be with you anymore unless you destroy whatever among you is devoted to destruction." --- my emphesis added.
That's a pretty good word right there! What in my life is devoted to distruction? What kind of distruction am I allowing in my life? Yes, I do understand we are in the world, but that does not mean we can just take the "everyone else does it" view and run with it. God clearly states that He can't be around anything that is devoted to distruction. It is not his nature, therefore He will not abide with it. This is not taking away is omnipresence, I think this statement enhances it. God has boundaries, and He will not live near sin, it is not His nature, He cannot do it. So again, what in my life is hindering me from seeing the face of Jesus, hearing his voice and being ridiculously connected to him? Is it what I'm watching, b/c my eyes are the window to my soul. Is it what I'm listening to b/c the ears are a door to the heart. Is it the condition of my heart? Am I filled with bitterness, pride, self reliance? What is it to you? What in your life, is hindering the completion of holiness your inner most being? And why, why do we think that we can get away with just saying "oh this one time won't hurt" when clearly, it does because a man reaps what he sows, in every situation. I encourage you to throw EVERYTHING off that hinders, so that anything that causes distruction in your life will not hinder you from having a passionately deep relationship with the King of Kings.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)